Lack of communication in dating

of being interested while sleeping with us, maybe expecting us to listen to their problems and give them an ego stroke? If they’re not calling and making genuine, human efforts that involve voice and sight to grow your relationship, and instead are relying on lazy forms of communication, you’re in a lazy ‘arrangement’ with a limited connection that is fostering false intimacy and building sandcastles in the sky.By Deb Dutilh for Your Studies show that a lack of communication is the number one reason couples get divorced.Gary Chapman, author of "The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts." He lists quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and physical touch as different modes of expressing love.

lack of communication in dating-36

Read: 3 Warning Signs Your Date Will Cheat on You 7. In solid relationships, two people learn to manage their conflicts thoroughly and efficiently so that harmony prevails most of the time. If you have five or six major interests, it’s a good idea to find someone who shares two or three of them. No relationship is going to reach it’s potential unless both partners are authentic. The way people live day in and day out (punctuality, grooming, personal habits) can be no problem or a big problem. If you notice that the person you’re with shows little regard for your ambitions and consistently displays a me-first attitude, you’re probably in the presence of someone more selfish than selfless.

If you have legitimate reason to doubt your partner’s trustworthiness, you can be sure more trouble is coming. Sometimes two good people simply have goals and ambitions that don’t complement each other’s. It’s natural to admire attractive people, but if you or your partner frequently “check out” others, it may be because you feel something significant is lacking in your current relationship.

If she doesn't kiss you or whisper sweet nothings, does she cook, buy you underwear, or watch the ball game with you?

A couple of years ago, I spoke with a reader that was struggling to get over a six month ‘relationship’ where it had become apparent that he had a limited interest and was seeing other women.

Unfortunately we seem to have dropped our standards of what a relationship or someone being interested constitutes. We want to be easy going and the last thing we want to do is scare them off by attempting to clarify where we stand.

In ‘olden times’ (read: pre text, email, IM, Facebook, Twitter, blogs etc), if someone wasn’t calling you and arranging to see you regularly, plus the relationship wasn’t growing, you knew they weren’t making an effort and that they had , that they are interested although we may realise on some level that it’s not as much as we would like. Here’s the thing: If you expecting bare basics such as being called and to be able to call on a regular basis, is going to scare them off, you 1) have to recognise that the relationship is doomed and that 2) you could stand to raise your standards somewhat.

For those of us that live in Lala Land and would rather have a semblance of a ‘relationship’ on some terms rather than no terms, all this tippy-tapping of messages convinces us that they’re interested; it’s just that some obstacle is preventing them from getting in touch via traditional means or they’re ‘shy’ or ‘busy’ or that it’s the ‘new’ way of doing relationships. Genuine interaction, courtesy, respect, care, trust, intimacy – these things are not dead or old. The fact that someone would ever put you in the position of not knowing when you might hear from them next, or having your calls avoided, or them disappearing and then texting trying to pick up where they left off, or any other completely shady behavior, is indicative of an interaction without basic respect.

Yes we may have some extra communication options, but people only claim it’s the new way of doing things to legitimize crappy behavior. The reality is this: Relationships require effort, connection, and intimacy as well as love, care, trust, and respect, and so the way of ‘olden times’ is actually exactly as it is .

When it all boiled down to it, most of the lazy communication via text and email served 4 purposes: From the perspective of the ‘offender’, it’s obvious that this isn’t a relationship because they, for example in this case, have only called twice in six months and in their eyes, it’s a casual arrangement where they get a shag, an ego stroke, and a shoulder to lean on.

Tags: , ,